To New York
As my loyal twitter followers know, I'm leaving The Center of the Universe next week after having lived here for 10 years. Please be advised, these thoughts are mostly for my own benefit.
Reader disclosure 1: If you follow me for the stocks, there will be nothing regarding them here. So you can close out this tab and save a dozen minutes of your life.
Reader disclosure 2: This may get sappy bordering on cringy, so please be advised that you are proceeding at your own risk.
Reader disclosure 3: This is gonna be a long one, so pour one up (as I have) and strap in.
Reader disclosure 4: I think anon accounts self-doxxing is lame so I’m not gonna do that but this is the most I’ve shared about myself. Be a real one and don’t go digging. I promise I’m not that interesting.
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New York
The Big Pizza
The Center of the Universe
The Financial Capital of the World
The Greatest City Ever
and a lot of things in between….
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As you may or may not know (and whether or not you know, you probably do not care), I’m leaving New York after a decade (minus one week) of living here. I fell just short of being a True New Yorker.
But man, it was a good run. And for selfish purposes, I am going to reflect on it by putting some virtual pen to paper.
I’m going to break this into three parts - a chronology, the beautiful emotional roller-coaster that it was, and some general NY thoughts and advice for any young (or not that young) person thinking of moving to the city.
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Chronology:
Moved here in September 2011 on the back of the great recession. I was blessed as a middle-millennial that the economy was out of the doldrums and things were on the upswing. I took a job in a fuh-nance adjacent accounting function. Coming from my hillbilly big-10 school, I had a few other job offers - a few others in NYC, one in DC, one in literally Gary Indiana, and one in Pittsburgh. I wasn’t going back to Pittsburgh.
My first apartment was a real sh*thole in the financial district. Probably a 600 sq ft 3 bedroom apartment that was a tenement 100 years ago. I had a double bed and nothing else in my room. I got stuck in the elevator once and thought I wasn’t going to make it. There was a cat that lived in the stairwell to try to keep the vermin out. One of my roommates, barely an acquaintance before moving in, was the type of person that told his study-abroad friends “bro I have a couch for you to sleep on in NY” and meant it. 4-5 people sharing one bathroom at a time. Not ideal, but I survived.
Met my future wife… but she didn’t know it yet.
Moved out to Queens the following year. Lived in a basement that did not have any windows or a bedroom door (but was spacious). Got to experience a bit of Real New York and it was great. But then rent went up.
Put some moves on my future wife… she still didn’t know what was coming.
Moved back to The City - rent in the upper east side was cheaper than in Astoria at that point.
Moved in with Bae after a year of dating. Gotta go all-in sometimes. Didn’t work for my TSLAQ sht, worked for my BA.D boyz, and super duper worked with her.
Changed jobs. I still miss my old work culture but one has to get that bread. Still finance-adjacent and boring but it pays the bills.
Sealed the deal. Got married at the courthouse (see next section). Got fake-married in central park. It was everything we wanted and probably the lowest-budget Manhattan wedding one could do (that still involved friends and family joining us to celebrate) and it was perfect.
Somehow my lovely wife hasn’t gotten sick of me yet.
And, finally, it is now time to make the pilgrimage to Bethlehem - aka Seattle - where my wife is from. I knew what I was getting into when the courtship began - and we spent more time here than I had expected - but the chickens have come home to roost. And that takes us into part two.
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And onto the emotions:
I would have never met my lovely, amazing, too-good-for-me (but hopefully not actually because I am going to have her read this post - I promise I’m good enough, dear) wife if it wasn’t for New York. Neither of us were the type of people that dreamed of coming here from birth - I came here to take a decent job offer, she came here because she wanted an adventure (and had a solid job too) - but she ended up being the type of person that, to her, New York is, was, and forever will be a special something. The type of person that feels its energy in her bones. And yes, there are certainly versions of her that stayed in Seattle, went to San Francisco, were born in Omaha and never left… but her coming to NY was fate, not just for us, but for her. People who haven’t lived in NY (and many who have) are probably cringing hard right now - I mean its just a place to live and work right? - but for certain people, there is an unexplainable energy here that is matched nowhere and permeates through the air. I have certainly enjoyed my time here, but I can’t say I felt the same bond - I think I would have been equivalently satisfied in Chicago, or Houston, or Philadelphia, or another big city - but she was meant to live in NY in her 20s to enjoy life and create big things. It can be a very special place for certain people and it certainly was for her. (She also built a fantastic career here that would have been far more difficult to do elsewhere.)
I’ll miss the serendipity. NY is a social city (as I am sure many other places are). But so much of navigating NY happens on foot that you inevitably bump into people that you wouldn’t if you were in your car in bumper to bumper traffic on an LA freeway. I frequently see my former boss (who I very much like) at the gym. I’ve grabbed a beer with former coworkers while walking home and spotting them at a bar. My man Paul popped out of his apartment to say whats up when my wife and I were enjoying dinner a weekend or two ago because it was a block away. Real story - last weekend, while having my final frozays at Pig Beach (a great spot) with my wife and one of my oldest friends who happened to move to NY too, I ran into a dude from Australia who I met in college and hadn’t seen since - where else does that happen? But, things go both ways, and I’ve seen some OK Cupid dates (that I didn’t necessarily want to see again) on the streets and had to exchange some civil pleasantries that benefitted no one.
I’ll miss the somewhat degenerate culture. Here, pretty much everyone’s #1 hobby is grabbing a beer (or nonalcoholic beverage as I have plenty of Muslim, Mormon, or otherwise non-drinking friends) during or after work. Where I’m headed, people wake up early, put in their time, and head home early to walk their dog-child-french bulldog Fluffy or bike for a few hours as they are training for a triathlon. The primary extracurricular activity in NY is hanging out with your bros and broettes. And I loved that. It’s not necessarily sustainable forever - eventually you’ll have a kid if you want one - but for the first five or 10 years, it is so much fun to know that someone, somewhere is looking to grab a beer or catch a game or hang out at noon or 3 or 6pm - and that’s not the case everywhere.
Getting legally married at the courthouse/city hall/whatever was a once-in-a-lifetime experience. We were the most and pretty much only normie couple there. I am not going to rattle off all of the different types of couples that were there, but to anyone other than a traditionalist, it was inspiring and a beautiful in-the-flesh representation of the melting pot that NY is and has been since its founding.
I’ll just miss the vibe. Central park with 1000 foot skyscrapers around it. Walking home browned out as a 30 year old through midtown. Walking home as a more than browned out 23 year old coming off the Brooklyn Bridge-City Hall 6 train southward through 200 year old cobblestone streets back to your former tenement. My recent walks up the east river promenade drinking a Coors Seltzer ($TAP). Helping an old woman onto a bus. Having your bodega man know your favorite beer/sandwich/cigs. Drinking outside because that’s OK (especially in the COVID times). Being kind to strangers (I can’t tell you how many tourists I’ve given directions to) yet being rude to strangers who deserve rudeness because they’re being stupid.
I’ll miss the people. I have met so many people here that I would have never met had I stayed in Pittsburgh or most of Real America.
One of my former colleagues was born in Iron Curtain Poland, moved here as an infant just prior to the Berlin Wall falling, and was raised here. She went to NY public schools, college, and ended up in the same spot as midwestern me. For whatever reason, we were fast friends and understood each other at our core. She told me “I was her first American friend.” What a statement to a formerly Real American Hillbilly… but I knew what she meant. Gonna miss her.
I’ve had so many other non-American colleagues that would have never even heard of Pittsburgh - Pakistani, Russian, Dutch, German, Australian, Mexican, Swedish, British, South African, the list goes on and on. Living in a world city opens one up to the world. Some of those people sh*t on America for our politics (minus liking making a US salary) - some people want to move here forever. I knew a few Jewish people in Pittsburgh but wouldn’t have gotten to go to Jewish weddings (very cool) and a Jewish funeral (extremely sad) if not for NYC. Once again, eye-opening and world-view-expanding.
That being said, making and keeping friends can sometimes be easy but sometimes be challenging and then when they all start to move away, sometimes be depressing (which is probably true to some extent no matter where you live). I started at a big enough employer that I essentially got some built-in friends (or at least acquaintances) that way, and then had some high school and college friends trickle into the city, eventually made friends with my friends’ friends (and somehow married one of them) and had as solid of as social life as I could handle. But then, within just a few short years, people start moving away. Some people’s second out-of-college job took them somewhere else; some who stuck with their high school or college sweetheart get married and move to the burbs; some people just get tired of NYC and that is OK too. Five years in the Day 1 friend group (for a transplant like me) had probably halved and by 10 years it’s running on fumes. It can be sad but it also kind of just feels like NY - people come here, get what they want out of it, and get the f* out of it when they’ve had enough. (And I don’t think it’s that hard to make new friends here as you get older - some of mine happened to come from twitter (lol) but I know plenty of people who met some random dude/girl at a concert, just chatting at the bar, etc. and became buddies. We shall see how bad the Seattle Freeze is when I get there.)
I was chatting on the phone with my dad after he saw this post and it reminded me of one other point I forgot to make that was especially evident during the COVID times - NY makes me feel like I’m an ant living in an ant colony, but in a good way. People have to look out for eachother. There’s no possibility of having a function society in such a dense environment if everyone the a “get off my land” mentality that is prevalent (and perhaps not even wrong) if you’re a rancher in Idaho. But here, there is an energy that makes you *feel* that you need to look out for others for the good of society. Helping an old lady cross the street. Being good about following COVID restrictions because you not wearing a not-at-all-inconveniencing mask in a grocery store may literally save that old dude’s life. Asking a homeless person if they’d like some water on a hot day. I’m no saint but I believe that here, one feels compelled to look out for others moreso than in other place or other situations… which is a beautiful thing.
The American Dream - sure I am often a pessimist about political parties, certain policies, the direction of the country, Real America, etc. - but that does not mean that I think we are a totally cursed or hopeless place. Most of the NY native friends I’ve met here (the Polish girl and plenty of others) were immigrants or children of immigrants, went to NY public schools, went to college, and are now living a solidly middle class life thanks to the risk-taking and sacrifice of their parents, their own hard work, and a society that enabled and nurtured their success. At the risk of unintentionally being patronizing, one other observation, which happened frequently as I used to commute into the city from Queens, was seeing families, particularly central and south American immigrant parents with their children, and seeing that those 10 or 12 or 14 year old children were already taller than their parents - thanks due to both the higher wage-earning capability here as well as city, state, and national social programs (at my grocery store in Astoria, I saw WIC benefits in use for the first time and, not that I did or would have opposed them anyway, could not be happier with the way tax dollars were being spent when I saw the results every day in the people around me). It was humbling and inspiring to see the fruits of such programs in person and I wish that more of the country had those first-hand experiences as it may go a long way to thaw a lot of cold hearts.
One time for the Twittersphere. I have met so many people in real life in NY that I wouldn’t have if I had lived elsewhere. Some bridges have been burned but that’s how it goes sometimes. Nevertheless, we had a lot of fun along the way. Special shoutout to, in no specific order:
Tomi - realest in the game. Too smart. Gonna be a F500 CEO one day in the not too distant future. But still just a normal guy when it comes down to going on that reformed-TSLAQ ski trip.
Paul - sure he’s Republican but I’ll vouch for that such affiliation does not make him any kind of bad person (this statement may be retracted pending a future awful tweet). Very good dude with some an occasional hot Twitter takes that should be disregarded. Original TSLAQ soldier (with no statement on current positioning). Retro Ski Jacket Gawd. Cocktail Master. I don’t get into the twitter drama but when people hate on me having a buddy that doesn’t share my exact political beliefs… gotta build some bridges guys. Life’s too short.
Rahul - most of what I’d recount from our fondest memories together would be self-incrimination so we will not go into detail but just know he’s a real one too
TSLAQ tier-1 squad - as you may know I am a reformed bear. But before I was, I met a lot of the heavy hitters in the FUD game. Shoutout to Rocket Jen, disregarding any politically-driven falling out since, she was an unnecessarily kind facilitator for lots of interactions that I had no business having. I’ve had dinners with papa Chanos (truly great guy from my limited experience). I’ve had dinners with Montana (it was fun but I’ve been out of touch so long that I have no comment on what he is or isn’t these days and I must say that the Federalist Society is one of the most cancerous entities in the US). She arranged soirees with plenty of normies like myself and I met lots of the other normal 30 year old bros and had a good time (and from that first meeting, enjoyed having beers with DogHasABone or whatever the handle is when in London, have had beers with Peep a couple of times in NY, and kept in touch with some others).
Bros from not NY - fun to meet people once in a blue moon. TSLAQpodcast dude was a great guy and happy to have had the opportunity to hang. SmackCheck, who most TSLA bears have probably blocked, was a great dude who came through the city. Met up with Monaco Quant in Austria. Met up with [redacted] in Seattle. Still gotta go meet Mountain Dew man in Iceland. I think there are a couple of Australians too.
Professional experiences - I met a couple hedge fund managers somehow through this train-wreck of an account and had a very positive experience doing so. A couple over a beer, once in the office to discuss my Boeing hatred (which ended up being, luckily but incorrectly, correct - still waiting for my job offer). Would never have had the opportunity if it wasn’t for being in NY.
Graveyard bros - had some friends come and go - as is obvious, I’m a fairly political person and that may create problems in relationships - but still was fun to meet people even if we’re not boys anymore.
I’ll miss having four seasons (and IMO weather in NY is largely beautiful - there’s a week or two that’s too hot in the summer and a week or two that’s too cold in the winter but its generally sunny and temperate while enjoying all the seasons).
Gonna miss having three world-class pizza places a 3 minute walk from my apartment.
I won’t miss the garbage stank during the summer. I won’t miss waiting for the subway on a 90 degree day when that countdown clock is broken and no one knows when its coming. I won’t miss $9 beers at terrible midtown fake-irish pubs. I won’t miss train delays and traffic. I certainly won’t miss old upper east siders who let their tiny dogs sh*t all over the place and not pick it up and count on the rain that comes every two weeks to make things better. But there is a lot more than I will miss than that I won’t.
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And on to the reflections/advice section:
NY was a great place to start a career. With no intended cringe or sarcasm, I acknowledge my privilege coming here with a degree and a professional job. There are literally millions of NYers hustling in different capacities supporting the city that I enjoyed as a young professional that are not necessarily able to enjoy things the same way I did. But I am thankful that the city attempts to level the playing field as much as possible (its not perfect but I think it is at least genuinely trying) and I hope that the city and the country continues to move further in that direction in the future.
NY isn’t cheap but it isn’t as expensive as people think it is. Real Americans are about to cringe, but the most I’ve ever paid for my share of rent in NY is $1350 per month. I realize that may be a large dollar figure to many. But one must also understand that my monthly transportation expense ranged from $120 (metrocard) to $0 (walking to work). A car and car insurance is what (and I guess I will soon find out) - at least $600/month? If you deduct that from the cost of existing, NY isn’t all that bad. Beers might be expensive some places but there are still some good deals around - there’s a $5 shot and beer place that’s a 5 minute walk from where I live that I’ll take any of you to. Plus, one can live in a non-Manhattan borough if you want to save a little money (or live in a one but in a cool neighborhood in one and pay a lot more).
NY is very safe (relatively speaking). Back when I lived downtown my first year here, there were so many nights I fell asleep on the train on the way back from the bar and ended up somewhere far away. Not to dismiss petty and non-petty crime (but to completely dismiss any fear-mongering boomer NY Post narrative of NY being a hellhole), things are quite safe here. In 10 years, I was nervous maybe once. My wife has had 0 unpleasant encounters. Don’t believe the boomer Real America publications telling you that things are dangerous here.
If you’re going to move here, move here young, if possible. There’s nothing like being 22 in NY. I mean if you get a great job offer here at 30, you should consider taking it as well, its still great. But most people (in professional-service settings) move here at 22 and you will have some friends peel off at 25 and another round at 28 and another round at 32 (as I am doing now). Get in while the getting is good and live it up for the first handful of years before people start moving back to their midwestern hometowns.
That all being said, I know some 32 year old singles here right now and it is truly the summer of love. It’s already and will continue to be a very spicy summer for singles until that Delta variant makes us all go back into lockdown. If you’re thirsty get on a plane and come visit and I nearly guarantee you’ll have fun.
I will leave you with a John Steinbeck quote, which I wish to not necessarily fully believe:
“But there is one thing about it - once you have lived in New York and it has become your home, no place else is good enough”.
I hope that’s not totally true, because we are not planning to re-pack all of our boxes and move back, but I understand the vibe. New York is different. New York is special. New York was great to me. My life is different and better for having lived here, and I will remember it forever.
-Elmo